you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
