the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
