Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
