I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
