I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
