Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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