Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
