Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
