i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize