my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
