Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
