If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
