Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Floor bacon is actually really good
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
