i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
