last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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