I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
