How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
