Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
