Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
