Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
