its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
