She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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