I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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