Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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