DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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