Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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