Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My bed smells like the plague
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