Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
