so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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