I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
