ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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