3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
