so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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