I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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