i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
