you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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