The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
