Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
