Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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