it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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