Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
