when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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