For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
