Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
