oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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