you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
