so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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