she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
