so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You were trust falling into bushes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
