I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
