all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
