Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
