There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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