It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
