watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
