I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
