I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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