There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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