Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We left the knife in your bed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
