im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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