I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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