Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
