The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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