I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
