He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
