just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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