Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
