I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize