**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
