My sheets look like a crime scene.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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