Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
