i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
