I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
our cab driver is having phone sex.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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