why didn't you poke me back
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
