I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
