I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
