Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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