You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
