i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
