she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize