They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
